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A minimalist flat vector illustration showing two figures sitting at a small table, where one gently hands a glowing green geometric shape representing feedback to the other person who accepts it openly. The style is modern and calm, using a navy blue and mint green color palette.

Stop Giving Negative Feedback: Start Adjusting Behavior

• 6 min • 1,173 words
Management Engineering-Leadership Soft-Skills Feedback-Loop Team-Building Communication Engineering-Management

Alongside management fundamentals like 1:1s, coaching, and delegation, feedback is often the hardest to grasp. This is due to our preconceived notions, the fear of emotional reactions (which vary based on empathy levels and team relationships), or simply the anxiety of triggering a conflict.

Yet, feedback is essential. This article aims to give you the keys to building a healthy, effective feedback culture within your team.

What Feedback Is

Feedback is a form of communication between a manager and a team member regarding their actions or behavior. Its specific intent is to influence future behavior: either to maintain and encourage it or to adjust and change it.

Feedback is objective and strictly relates to facts. It does not judge the person; it targets the action. To be effective, focus on what the person DOES, not what the person IS.

What Feedback Is Not

Feedback is never subjective. We must focus on facts, not opinions. It is neither a reprimand nor a judgment. Therefore, feedback should be devoid of heavy emotion.

It is not an attack on the person, nor is it a channel for hearsay (“someone told me that you…”) or passive-aggressive hints. Such approaches are ineffective, counterproductive, and harmful to your relationship.

Reinforcement vs. Adjustment

There are two types of feedback: reinforcement feedback (positive) and adjustment feedback (negative).

I prefer the terms “reinforcement” and “adjustment” over positive/negative. The latter sound like compliments and insults. The goal is simply to give employees visibility on their impact and to guide them—based on facts—toward repeating or stopping a specific behavior.

Reinforcement Feedback

Feedback isn’t just about fixing mistakes. It is crucial for encouraging positive behavior. You need to show that you noticed the action, that it had a positive impact, and that you support it.

Reinforcement feedback is statistically rarer than adjustment feedback. Cultural reasons often play a part (we are often quicker to blame than to praise), but many managers also believe “it’s just part of the job, so why mention it?” In reality, silence signals indifference. It fails to motivate people to go the extra mile.

A tip for those who struggle with praise: Set a weekly target. For example, aim to give five pieces of reinforcement feedback per week. Create a checkbox system (on a post-it, whiteboard, or Notion). Every time you give feedback, tick a box. Once you hit five, reward yourself (a beer, some chocolate, etc.). It gamifies the process and keeps you focused on the positive.

Adjustment Feedback

This is the feedback that instinctively comes to mind: correcting behavior that needs improvement. The aim is to emphasize that you noticed the behavior, you are not indifferent to it, it has negative consequences, and you expect action to stop it.

When Should Feedback Be Given?

Ideally, feedback should be given as close to the event as possible, but only when you are emotionally neutral.

Before speaking, ask yourself: “Would it cost me anything NOT to give this feedback?” or “Am I prepared to let this go?” If the answer is no, speak up. However, respect a “statute of limitations”—ideally within the current week. Feedback given weeks later is out of context and undermines your credibility.

Feedback must be given face-to-face. Never praise or shame in front of a group if you are unsure of the person’s personality (some hate public praise). For adjustment feedback, always do it in private. The 1:1 meeting is the ideal setting. I recommend dedicating 10 minutes of every weekly 30-minute 1:1 to feedback.

Note: Unacceptable behavior (harassment, aggression) does not fall under standard “feedback.” These require immediate intervention and HR involvement.

The Framework: A 4-Step Pattern

Step 1: Ask for Permission

“May I give you some feedback?”

Why? You need to ensure the person is in the right mindset. If they are stressed, angry, or distracted, they won’t listen. Asking for consent signals that what follows is important and allows them to switch to “listening mode.” It reduces the risk of the feedback being perceived as an ambush.

Step 2: Describe the Facts

“When you [describe the specific behavior]…”

Why? Start with indisputable facts. This sets a neutral ground and opens the door to the next step.

Step 3: Describe the Consequences

“Here are the consequences: [describe effects]…” OR “The result is that [describe effects]…”

Why? This is the cornerstone of feedback. You want to change the behavior because of its consequences. Tailor this to the person: focus on performance impact for results-oriented people, or team impact for empathy-oriented people (DISC profiles).

Step 4: Encourage or Ask for Change

For Reinforcement:

“That’s great. I encourage you to keep doing this.”

For Adjustment:

“What can you do to change this behavior?” OR “I’m asking you to adjust this moving forward.”

Why? This concludes the interaction with a clear call to action. You are asking the employee to take ownership of the solution.

Why Use a Script?

It may seem artificial, but a framework saves you from emotion and judgment. It forces you to structure your thoughts: Consent -> Facts -> Consequences -> Change. It also reduces the discomfort managers feel when delivering tough messages.

Examples

Scenario 1: The Interrupter Raoul, a senior developer, got carried away during an architecture meeting. “Raoul, can I give you some feedback? When you raise your voice and cut off other developers during meetings, the consequence is that your colleagues feel discouraged and stop sharing their ideas. They accept your view out of fear, not agreement. To build a strong team, we need everyone’s input. How can you adjust this behavior in the next meeting?”

Scenario 2: The Latecomer Louise is late for the Daily Scrum for the 5th time. “Louise, can I share an observation? When you arrive 10 minutes late to the daily stand-up, the team gets impatient. We end up rushing the meeting in 5 minutes instead of 15. It reduces our efficiency and feels disrespectful to those who arrived on time. I’m asking you to please be on time from now on.”

Lead by Example: Ask for Feedback

To build a true culture of feedback, it cannot just be top-down. You must prove that receiving feedback is safe and helpful by asking for it yourself.

In your next 1:1, try asking: “Is there anything I could do differently to support you better?” or “What is one thing I should stop doing?”

When they answer, do not debate or justify yourself. Just say: “Thank you.” This simple act builds psychological safety and makes it much easier for them to accept your feedback later.

Pitfalls to Avoid

  • Refusal: If they say “No” to Step 1, don’t force it. Try again later. However, if refusals become a pattern, you must address that blockage separately.

  • The “Sandwich” Method: Do not sandwich negative feedback between two slices of positive feedback. It dilutes the message and confuses the employee. Focus on one clear message at a time.

  • Micromanagement: Avoid feedback on trivial matters with zero impact. Stick to what matters for the team and performance.